I hold back feelings. Deny myself the opportunity to set them free. What I didn't know was that they have been collecting in my throat. Yet instead of feeling like obstructions, as one would expect, it feels like they are something just out of reach. You see I have often felt this sensation in my throat, experienced as thirst but unrelated to needing or wanting water. It stays until the thing is done, exams, a review, holiday shopping, whatever that thing may be. The "thirst" drives me to finish, the discomfort of it propels me. The "thirst" feels like drowning too. Like being without oxygen.
Yes, this is what happens to unvoiced pain. The pain, deemed as trivial, is swalled down every time it tries to float out of one's lips, and like a helium balloon it bounces up and down against a ceiling it hadn't anticipated. To me this feels like thirst. But the feeling behind the feeling is "Somebody, please slow me down". For I am tired.
This is what I learned today.
5 comments:
Isn't it amazing how we hold our stress? How intertwined our emotions are with the basic chemistry in our bodies? How our thoughts can produce physical aches? Every now and then I have to remind myself that the opposite is true - that my thoughts can calm, heal and rejuvenate me. But too often I forget.
i think i understand. for me it is a spinning, or walking as if the side walks gives way....
can i help
i want to sit in silence beside you and be within this pain.
It's the things you don't say that are important.
I read that somewhere. It's true.
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